Pirates 3 - In a nutshell

Peishan said:
yeah I am! we went to watch Pirates just now.
and I was so upset with it

Lyon said:
heh.. yah, I was super dissapointed too

Peishan said:
what a bunch of crazies writing crap story.
it's so thin...could barely float.

Lyon said:
can't believe it's the same director/writers from the first movie

Peishan said:
the first movie is a fucking masterpiece. for me.

Lyon said:
me too man
can't belive it has degenerated into this crap


Oh Brother. This is exactly what scriptwriters get for squeezing in 3 protagonists, 3 villains (one albeit over-hyped and short-lived), a goddess who was never before mentioned, fantastical locales we barely got a glimpse of, double-crossing plotlines that were unconvincing to the characters they were tagged on, a smattering of comedic sidelines that saved the day, introducing old characters just to kill them off, and did I mention it was 3 hours of barely nothing?

Hard to believe that they covered all that in 3 hours and I was still left wondering where it was all coming together one too many times. I yawned liberally, an action I normally suppress out of reverence for a good movie, which is a rare commodity lately.

1. Sao Feng
WTF? What other dimension did he add to the plot other than to give us yet another line of deceit to keep track of? I think we were as bloated from the double-crossings happening onscreen as the sea was with corpses of dead pirates.
I expected the revered Mr. Chow to get his share of small screen-time next to the other Hollywood Big Wigs, but man, that was early. And silly. Don’t worry, no spoilers here.

2. Davy Jones
The only thing remotely villain-ish about him this time is the way his tentacles still jitter and curl when he gets agitated (and it happened A LOT) and he sputters violently when talking down to those at his mercy. Beautiful VFX work, ILM. You deliver always, even for Eragon. But it’s my mantra that beautiful CG can’t save a hollow character. What’s so mean about squid-face really? I’ll need to think about that. Doesn’t that already say so much (or rather, so little) about the character?

3. My beloved Jack
God-like. We’re not worthy! I’ll kiss Depp’s feet readily. He’s delivered great performance, for the 3rd time too many.
I got tired. Don’t get me wrong, I WAS still mesmerized by his swagger, his roguish, bastardly antics and to add more beef to Jack’s personality, they also made him slightly schizo this time round. Imagine the writers, 5am in the morning, 2 days from delivering the script, wondering just how much more they can milk the captain for what he’s worth. While it’s plenty of eye-candy for me to see multitudes of Jack clones, some half-nekkid *Slurp*, I still question the validity of making the man half-mad. I guess we must accept that being banished to the void does that.

4. Pebble crabs
Hey, I think these cuties saved the day, for a bit. Love em!

5. Elizabeth and Will Turner love ad nauseum
I don’t know about you. But they bored me. My eyes still kept noticing, to my great annoyance, that Kiera has a weird lower jaw, ala-mervyn (the old-mervyn). Before I get flak for insulting a goddess like her, I think she’s gorgeous. It’s just the little facial oddity that I’m noting. Savvy?

There’s more, but continuing this post will potentially lead to me spilling the beans on plot points, weak as they were. I don’t appreciate stumbling across spoilers when I’m not looking for it, so I practice what I preach.

But I’m a wretch, you see. I believe in closure when it comes to cinematic experiences. Even if the closure suck-ass, I’ll be there to see it. I’ll simply bitch thereafter. :D